A Mom’s Unscripted Life

Tag: #love

  • Relationships

    There’s truth behind every “just kidding.” We live in a time when more women are standing up for themselves and realizing that their worth isn’t determined by their husbands. At least, that’s been my observation growing up. There used to be a belief that you had to take care of your husband, your family, and your house, but I don’t believe that’s true anymore. You have to take care of yourself first; only then can you truly care for others. It should be a mutual respect that you share with your partner to foster growth.

    I didn’t get that right in my first few marriages. I held my tongue and tried to be what I thought was the perfect wife—taking care of my husband and not speaking up. But that only led to resentment, which eventually resulted in divorcing my first two husbands. This time around, I’ve refused to be silent. Is our marriage perfect because of it? Absolutely not. We’ve had our share of arguments, but the difference now is that he understands how I feel, and I don’t feel like I have to hide my true self just to keep him happy.

    Abuse isn’t just physical; words can leave scars, too, especially when they’re repeated over and over, like “You’re so stupid,” “Just move out of the way,” or “I told you not to do that.” And let’s not forget the ever-popular, “If you want to spend money, you have to ask me first.” Men, if your wives have been cooking for you, caring for you when you’re sick, and maintaining a clean house despite the constraints you’ve placed on her, that money isn’t just yours. It belongs to both of you. If you don’t agree, it’s time to reevaluate what you’d do if she weren’t there.

    Marriage and relationships are tough to maintain because they involve two people with their own beliefs trying to navigate life together. But it shouldn’t be about conforming the other. When you commit to someone, you’re saying that this person is your partner through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. It shouldn’t feel like a battle or a situation where you’re walking on eggshells, afraid of what might set them off.

    I understand the impulse to lash out when you’re in pain or having a bad day—or even when you’re just hungry!—but the goal is to recognize when you’re not in a good mental state and avoid taking it out on those around you. Stop making rude comments and saying “just kidding,” because there’s truth behind every pseudo-apology. Remember that old advice from childhood: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

    It’s a work in progress, but I truly hope that those struggling to find the words in their relationships to set boundaries and express how they want to be treated find the courage to do so. Life is too short to be miserable. Believe in yourself and don’t worry about the fight it may bring—sometimes, standing up for yourself can be the most loving action you take. And honestly, it’s better to dance through life than tiptoe around it!

  • Facing Fear

    It’s crazy how fear can be the biggest roadblock in your life. Whether it’s the fear of speaking up, of standing your ground, of hurting others, of meeting new people, or just the fear of change—it can all hold you back. But here’s the thing: if you can just rip off that proverbial band-aid and face your fears, you might end up surprising yourself with what you can achieve.

    People often ask me what keeps me going. Truthfully, it’s the determination not to let fear dictate my life. I want to teach my kids not to back down just because they feel afraid, just as I wanted my nieces to know there are no excuses for staying in your comfort zone only to end up miserable later on. Believe me, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing; my journey has had more bumps than a country road. Each challenge was a lesson I had to confront and learn from.

    Perfection isn’t the goal here. It’s about striving for improvement and giving yourself grace when things don’t go perfectly. For me, prayer plays a crucial role. Though I’m not always in church on Sundays—life happens—prayer is a constant. I make it a point to pray during my morning drives, thanking God for the amazing things in my life. A lot of folks might not know this, but I was once in a very dark place and even attempted to take my own life. Being able to thank God for this second chance and for my beautiful, healthy family is something I’ll forever be grateful for.

    Whenever uncertainty creeps in, I pray for guidance to stay on His path and for the courage not to sweat the small stuff. I’m not naïve—I know decisions must be made to get results. I just believe those results often come with a nudge in the right direction from above. Plus, if nothing else, figuring life out one prayer at a time offers fewer calories than stress-eating an entire cheesecake, right?

    So what I’m trying to get to is this: my hope for you and for everyone is to have faith that you’ll conquer your biggest fears, as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just think of it as an epic journey—like Frodo’s, but with less jewelry and hopefully fewer orcs!

  • Weekday Bliss

    Last night, I got home a bit early from work to help my dad with the boys because my mom had a doctor’s appointment. When I arrived, I was pleasantly surprised to find my son miraculously well-behaved for the first time in what felt like ages. Lately, he’s been going through a whiny phase—perhaps it’s the onset of the “terrible twos” or maybe just the adjustment to sharing attention with his baby brother, Remy. It tugs at my heart, making me wonder if it’s because I didn’t breastfeed him as long, and now, with divided attention, he’s missing being babied.

    But last night was sweet. After picking up the kids, I listened to my audiobook while loading the dishwasher and setting up for dinner. My husband cooked sliders later, but I prepped everything so he could work his culinary magic exactly how he likes.

    Teddy and I had our little routine—letting the dogs out, tending to the chickens. He adores helping out by scattering the corn seed mix. Meanwhile, Remy was napping peacefully in his bassinet, giving Teddy and me some quality time. We played, cleaned up his playpen (because why wouldn’t he toss all his toys out?), and soon, Dad was home.

    As my husband cooked, I fed Remy, who is still breastfeeding, and then it was dinnertime. Interestingly, Ted insists on eating only from my plate. Identical food on his plate just isn’t the same unless it’s on mine!

    Later, we headed upstairs where I put on my current audiobook, “Regretting You” by Colleen Hoover, which I highly recommend. Meanwhile, Teddy was busy bringing over his books and jumping on his little trampoline. He even attempted to fold clothes with me but decided it was too much effort for a one-and-three-quarter-year-old. Instead, he grabbed his Minky Couture blanket, as hefty as a weighted one, tossed his pillow into the trampoline, then changed his mind and opted for a laundry basket by the window.

    Watching him climb into the basket with his blanket, looking oh-so-relaxed and flipping through Dr. Seuss’s “The Foot Book” was adorable. All the while, Remy was downstairs giving my husband a run for his money. I resisted the urge to intervene, choosing to let my husband handle Remi and bond with our youngest. I’ve learned that sometimes the best way to let my husband be involved and understand what I’m handling is to let him dive in, even if it’s not exactly how I’d do it.

    We mothers often try to be superwoman, juggling everything, but part of the journey is allowing ourselves to step back and let others step in. And with that little realization, I hope you all have a great day!

  • Fateful Encounter

    I’m not sure if many people know the charming tale of how I met my husband, but it’s a story of faith and serendipity. Back in 2019, I had a bit of a “party girl” phase—yes, those who knew me back then might remember the social whirlwind. I loved my weekday outings, and at the time, I was seeing someone else. It was during a weeknight escapade at a Tampa bar on SoHo Street that things took a divine, albeit slightly tipsy, turn.

    That night, my phone decided to pursue a solo adventure, much to my dismay. I kept insisting to my then-boyfriend that it was “God’s will” for my phone to disappear, which, in hindsight, ties in perfectly with my husband’s current ribbing about my penchant for divine intervention.

    Fast forward to the next day—hello, Friday! Sans phone, I asked my friend, A, via iPad (thank you, technology!) if we could hit up St. Pete. He was game, but as the universe would have it, plans took a detour. Amidst the jiving and imbibing, I bumped into an old work acquaintance at the bar. As I inquired about his new job, he introduced me to a charming savior, T.

    T and I bonded over a bathroom break—the sacred ground where many lifelong female friendships are forged. Upon returning, I realized my friends had pulled a disappearing act, stranding me. My work acquaintance kindly offered a ride, albeit with an itinerary that was less than appealing. Luckily, T overheard and, during our second bathroom interlude, offered salvation with a ride home. Bless her, because I promptly passed out in her car.

    Little did I know, my future husband was in the back seat that night. However, I was far too inebriated to notice. Fast forward 6-7 months to Oktoberfest, where T reintroduced us. She was his supervisor, and when we met again, it was like that magical moment when the puzzle pieces click into place. We chatted and laughed the night away, and from that moment, we were inseparable.

    Oh, and remember my AWOL phone? The day after that fateful night, my parents tracked it down via Life360. T, being the gem she is, left her contact on a napkin on my fridge after escorting me safely into my apartment. Life has a funny way of unfolding, and I genuinely believe that none of it would’ve happened without a little divine choreography.